I am 23 years old and was raised on the saying “do what makes you happy”. The question of course then became what makes me happy? And the pursuit began, a search manifesting itself in my life like a repeat song on a long and winding run. The song would play and I would get excited and then after hearing the song again and again, I began to feel sick from the frustration I felt. Pursuing happiness might have been a knee jerk response my parents said to me to be fatherly or motherly in the moment. Nevertheless, the re-surging mantra persisted and I struggled as I pressed forward always imagining what could be my own unique little fishbowl world of happiness. What I learned after reflecting on how silly it all seemed to be worrying about happiness, paradoxical even, was that happiness was not meant to be pursued but lived and if instead I worked hard towards a goal, any goal, I would be happy.
The first question that comes to mind is what makes someone happy? Malcolm Gladwell discusses in his TED Talk on “Happiness and the invention of Tomato Sauce” how happiness is not as intuitive as it sounds. Food companies had been relentless in trying to create an ideal tomato sauce when in fact none existed and if they were to instead create the ideal tomato sauces, there would be something almost everyone would want. Previously the accepted belief was that tomato sauce should taste like the traditional Italian tomato sauce which was a thin basil blend. Yet in a blind taste test, 1/3 of people actually preferred their sauce chunky. Now imagine that you are the tomato sauce company and you get to choose which tomato sauce you want to make. You could choose a tomato sauce that you enjoy or one you think other people will enjoy or find out what people subconsciously enjoy and make a tomato sauce for them and probably be hugely successful. The truth of the matter is that if you were to figure out the groupings of what kinds of tomato sauces make you happy then, any and all of them would do. The choice of course would be difficult to make, but there would be no need to worry about making the wrong decision because there would be no better tomato sauces, only different flavors. When given more choices, we start having higher expectations and become more disappointed when things are not as good as we think they ought to be. What I learned from the re-invention of the tomato sauce and the pursuit of happiness is that there is no tomato sauce that is better. Believing there is can lead to a life of searching and dissatisfaction. Therefore it is critical not to compare but rather pick something good for you and dedicate hard work to pursuing whatever is good.
I grew up and around a host of inspirational people. My mother was a family doctor who started her own family practice of all women doctors assisting people more than as a medical professional but as a caring individual who would lend a listening ear. My father was a magician; he made childhood the most wonderful experience for me and my two siblings without letting his work interfere with our happiness. And then there was my grandmother who survived the Holocaust after being pushed out of France and has lived to tell the tale. The stories I heard from her growing up made me particularly critical of the pursuit of individual happiness because to me life was always going to be unpredictable and dedicating a life to myself when so many people around the world suffered would be difficult for reasons I later concluded had to do with empathy. Being conflicted on whether or not to pursue happiness is what led me to ultimately writing about it and what I have decided is that happiness was never meant to be pursued but lived and through happiness I would find my purpose.
Take a moment and think about people in your life who you would consider to be successful. Now take a moment and think about the people in your life that are happy. Is it their outlook, is it their smile? Is it their passion or love for what they do? Consumptive happiness or as my mom and I like to call it “retail therapy” as mentioned by Jeffrey Kluger has become a national past time. Kluger points out that even though we have the happy feeling when searching for something at the store, after impulsively purchasing an item, we feel terrible inside. Going back to the relentless search and dissatisfaction at the end, perhaps if we had more purpose entering a store, we would feel better afterwards. What if we entered the grocery store pretending we it was a museum filled with beautiful items. Each item carefully crafted and you have the opportunity to pick which item you will take home with you.We all need to buy things, and we might not have time to spend every day at the grocery store walking up and down the produce aisle admiring how beautiful each eggplant and cucumber truly is perfectly on display. But, choosing to spend time thinking about what to buy or spending time creating your life instead of mindlessly walking through life seems to me makes everything seem slightly more illuminated.
There are toys to stimulate our minds and distractions to keep us having fun. But how do we stop people from being bored and dissatisfied? I don’t believe there is such a thing as chronic happiness. I think that happiness comes in waves and typically when we least expect it. We spend less time with family and more time working than ever before. What about working on reflecting on what it is you are trying to accomplish. When you complete a goal, it might not seem exciting at the time. But years down the road, all the accomplishments will build up and you will be remembered for the great accomplishments in your life time. True happiness is not the immediate pleasures but all the little successes along the way. It may not be obvious until you look back but one day you will begin to see what was good about your life and all the happy moments that you shared with the ones you loved.
References
Jeffrey Kluger, "Happiness of the Pursuit". July 8th, 2013.
Malcolm Gladwell, TED Talk, “Happiness and the invention of Tomato Sauce”
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete